Menma Daiichi-Sai [done]

[menma]

:Name:

Menma Daiichi-Sai

:Race:

Souseiki (Genesis Child)

:Gender:

Male

:Age:

786 [Appears]:16

:Aura color:

Black with Violent Red Electricity

:Appearance:


Menma has charcoal colored, hair that he wears it in a long shaggy-looking style, similar to his Creator. He also has dark feral-looking whisker marks, and dark circles under his eyes. He also has a unique mark on his right hand which signifies his birth/creation.
He, like the rest of his siblings possess, a white mask which was produce by the combination of him and his pets ki giving it a more fox like appearance, a dark blue-grey robe with grey lining and a fur collar, and a tattered grey-blue cape emblazoned with his personal emblem: a mandala comprised of nine reddish-brown circles of varying sizes atop a larger green-grey circle. Menama also wears finger less opera-length black gloves wrapped in studded red-brown leather straps, baggy black pants, and red-brown sandals.

His partner since birth, Kuro no Kouen, also wears an identical mask.  Menma's face is rarely seen and if it is it is because he is going in for the kill.

:Techniques:

[*] Spiraling Fear Wheel: .

[*] Kuro Hane: Menma has the ability to manipulate his ki into black, meter to two meter long blade from the palm of either hand that can be wielded as a sword-like weapon or projectile.  This blade is very sharp, as it able to pierce through even the densest of skin or materials.

                                                        Though the blade is made from ki, it can be broken with enough force. However, due to being made up of Menma's ki, it is durable enough to wear down metal  blades without any trouble.

[*] Supīdo no Kami: Expending his ki inward into his muscles, Menma, can move at great speeds escaping from danger or used in conjunction with other techniques to find openings for him to attack his opponents.  This technique takes one turn to charge and last for three rounds.  Every ten thousand pl Menma gains the rounds in which he can use this technique.  It does not effect his strength in anyway only his speed.

As for miscellaneous techniques, they are as follows:

Regeneration: Like any other Namekian, Gaida has the power to regenerate a lost limb after fierce concentration and a great deal of pain. He often needs to find adequate time in a battle to do this, assuming it is required.

Basic Ki Techniques: Basic blasts, sensing power levels and hiding his own power level, etc.


:Transformations:

[x]Shinka: This is the one and only transformation of the Genesis Children.  The partner that they have been with since birth shatters it's own mask also shattering their owners.  The two mask combine consuming the the animal, turning them into pure ki.  The animal fuses with their comrade changing them into a hybrid between humanoid and beast.  The power increase is phenomenal yet it is permanent.  Once this evolution occurs the masked animal will no longer be by your side, living only in the consciousness of the Souseiki. This transformation is obtained by choice and can only be made at a power level of 475,000. Pl x50.

:Starting Planet:

Vegeta


:History:

:Items:
200x Zenie
2x Senzu Beans
1x One-Use Space Pod

[menma]

Name Here: Souseiki

Starting Planet: Any (but Earth)

Starting Power Level Range: 500-25,000

Appearance: Souseiki are humanoid looking creatures created in the image of the one they call Father. They have a unique mark on their right hand which signifies there birth/creation. They all possess a white mask and a animal partner which wears an identical mask as they do. The mask is made to reflect that of their animal partner and is created at birth. The Souseiki, due to the rapid regeneration of their cells, appear to never age while they can easily be up to hundreds of years old. So they have the appearance of teenagers or young adults. This allows them to be in peek condition until they are destroyed. Souseiki also have distinct features to them that they receive from there "pet" which also allows them to tell what animal they possess.

This race of aliens always wear there mask and only when they are pushed to combine with their animal partner will they remove them.

Background:[Explanation in BP]
Racial Traits:

Pros

1. Souseiki have an enhanced cell structure which allows them to regenerate damage such as, severed limbs, major wounds to the organs, burns, and freezing. There bodies basically cast off the injured part and quickly reborn another. The thing that cannot be regenerated is their head.

2. Souseiki have the ability to cause their animal partners to grow into their fully mature form which allows them to ride upon them and attack in unison. The size of the animal varies by the user. Some are known to grow even larger than the mighty Great Ape form of the Saiyan's.



Transformations:

Transformation Increases:

[Requies Artog]

Alright, here's what we're working with so far:

1) Animal Companion: We're deciding, that since this is a vital component to your character and his race, that you need to have a much harsher draw back for when it is 'killed'. The way we've seen it so far, the animal companion is a manifestation of each Souseiki character. In which case, I'm proposing a 50% drop in power. This point also leads me to the transformations next:

2) Transformations: I have better idea for this. To make this easier for yourself, follow transformation path C of the Alien Transformations. This way, we can see that, when your animal companion grows larger in size, it is relevant in power, as well as yourself. These will justify the transformation path you're trying to follow.

3) Background: You're not pointing out where this is being explained. If I'm going to be putting this as a race available to choose from, I need to see a description here. Get to putting it in.

4) Kuro Hune: We're saying no to the Ki Disrupting component in this situation. This is an extremely potent ability to have that is going to be too powerful to manage. To balance this, you can only create one blade and can't disrupt energy on contact.

5) I'm not going to allow the revival, then enslaving of characters being killed. Remove this.

6) You're trying to slip instant transmission into this character's race, when it needs to be a TAUGHT technique. Remove this immediately, as well.

7) Since your race is going to follow transformation path C of the Alien listings, that means you won't be needing weakness 4 of the race.

8) To make this reasonable, you will gain unison with your companion by 2.5%.

9) Spiraling Fear Wheel: I have noticed the similarities are too much like Menma's ability from one of the Naruto movies. I want to see some originality here, please. Let me rephrase that. I would like you to rephrase it, so that it is differently read than the one described about the ability it's based on.

10) This is a clarification, so you know as well: Bukujutsu/flight is NOT a basic ability. It requires the character to understand how the character is to use his/her energy.

This is the stuff you need to work on, for now.